SATC...Minus the NYC

WARNING! May spoil your SATC experience.

So, Friday saw the realisation of my second most anticipated movie event of the year (Eclipse being number 1, naturally).

Every time my girl friends and I had seen the SATC 2 trailer, we had squeaked with excitement and got shivers at the sight of Carrie's INCREDIBLE shoe collection gracing cinema screens once more. The trailer promised adventure, excitement and a lot of seriously fabulous fashion. Our expectations from the film were added to by the veritable storm cloud of rumours that swirled over the past few weeks, concerning marriages, pregnancy, and maybe even a death? Stylist magazine dedicated an entire issue to the SATC phenomenon.

Having come in fairly late in the game (being 23, my friend's and I were only 12 when the series started, too young to be exposed to Samantha's rudeness) the majority of our SATC experience was based on the first film. I adored that movie, for the drama, the friendship and of course, the fashion. At the time, I was making some decisions about where to focus my career ambitions and was leaning towards the music journalism side of the industry. I walked out at the end of the movie, having cried my eyes out and eaten most of a big bag of Minstrels - didn't realise how long it was - went home, stuck my ticket in my diary and wrote 'the day I decided fashion was for me'. Cheesy I know, but the film reminded me about everything I loved about the business. Seeing Carrie's magical life (and wardrobe) up on screen incentivize me to aim for the career I had always dreamed of.

Therefore I was bursting with excitement for this cinematic experience. Unfortunately, everything you have heard about the movie is true. Nothing happens! Whereas the first movie was full of ups and downs, this film has just one significant dramatic event, which isn't even that dramatic. The narrative moves on a centimetre further than where the first movie left off. Maybe they are setting it up for a sequel, but the complacency and laziness of the scriptwriters was shocking. Samatha, usually dazzling with her sharp wit and clever innuendos, was crude and vulgar in the most blatant, obvious way (at one point she screams 'I have sex! I have sex!' which made me cringe into my seat) and Charlotte was there were slow motion shots of Charlotte's bosomy, bra-less nanny. Surely SATC is bigger and better than that level of humour?

Also, the movie is not set in New York. This may seem like a trivial insignificance, but in fact it made me realise how integral the Big Apple is to my enjoyment of the show. The smoky, bustling, glamourous city is basically the fifth 'girl' and is essential for the dramatic elements - how many scenes have involved iconic yellow cabs, elevators, views across the city, sidewalks and of course, steps. Transplanting the girls to Abu Dhabi did provide an exotic element to the movie, but just like when Eastenders or Coronation Street go abroad, it just isn't the same. It made it feel like just another movie set in a fabulous location. The fabulous-ness got a bit much at times, too - there is something attainable about Carrie's NY apartment, but I doubt the average movie goer will ever be able to afford a trip to the 7-star resort they visit in the film. Basically SATC just isn't the same without a Big Apple backdrop.

I'll go and see SATC 3, which seems inevitable given the massive box office pull this franchise commands, but it will be on a fashion only basis. I drooled over Carrie's Swarovski Louboutins and heavenly Halston gowns, but they were the only things that kept me going through the two hours. The closing scenes were a nail in the coffin for the SATC magic too (STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT).

I know Carrie and Big are special, but what man buys a massive black diamond ring for a wife who has just had an extra-marital misdemeanour? There is always a place for cinematic escapism, but this is borderline delusional fantasy.

GL

More Wildfox Lovin'

I faithfully promise to deconstruct SATC 2 later in the day, but in the mean time feast your eyes on this wonderfully gorgeous film from Wildfox Couture, the amazing LA brand that I recently posted about. They are currently the darlings of the fashion world and I am not alone in celebrating their talent, which they have captured in this short. NYLON mag is a huge fan, natch.


(As well as divine, dreamy shots of beautiful models, you may even be able to catch a glimpse of their next collection, entitled 'Witchcraft')

Enjoy x

Wildfox Couture Fall 2010: It's Witchcraft from WILDFOX PR on Vimeo.

GL

The Youth Of Today

Yes, I did just put that as a title and yes, I am a 23-year old granny who throws cats at people (metaphorically)


My commute yesterday included some entertaining earwigging (LOVE that word) of a conversation between two A-Level students on their way home from college. Being the super sleuth that I am, I pretended to be listening to my iPod, but actually had it switched off so that I could nosy in on what they were saying. Sneaky Eh?? Luther watch out - I'm after your job.


The boy and girl (not a couple, but going through that awkward 'sort of' friends' 'sort of fancy each other' phase, by the looks of things) were talking about how loaded they are due to their Government funded Education Maintenance Allowance, part time jobs and personal allowances, combined with the luxury of living at home rent free. Both were the children of divorced parents, and even though both received maintenance from their fathers they chose to declare only their mother's income, ensuring that they received their weekly £30 EMA bonus to fund a trip to H&M or the pub every Saturday. They were also discussing how they would like to get summer jobs, but it would just be soooo difficult to fit one around all the holidays and festivals they were going to. Their most pressing concern was what uni they would get an offer from, and who would get off with who at last week's party (matters of equal importance, obviously)


Let me be clear; I am seething with bitterest envy at their carefree attitude to life and can also remember what it felt like to only be worried about the next 3 months. I remember feeling sick with exam nerves/guilt over my lack of revision and worrying about how I would fit in at uni.


However, I don't recall being so completely unaware of the bigger picture, like these two students. As far as they were concerned, the recession is something that happened in the 80's, which they learn about in their politics classes. Yes, I frittered away money on clothes as a teenager, but at the time I was confident that I would get a good degree (and the good job that I was told was a foregone conclusion.) I thought if I followed the standard path, worked my bum off to get as much work experience as possible and dedicated myself to the cause, I would achieve my dream career (maybe I watched too many inspirational dance films)


Anyone who reads this blog will already be aware that I, like many other graduates, are feeling like all our hard work has gone unrecognised and perhaps following the path set by our authority figures was a really, really daft idea. My Dad has a significant lack of qualifications (let's just say school wasn't his favoured pastime) but he left school and worked his way up through the ranks of the retail industry, achieving major career success. I'm not sure if that would even be possible anymore, but if so, maybe it is a better option - I may be better qualified than my parents, but at my age they already owned their first house. I can't even scrape together a month's worth of rent in London.


Back to my train companions - the girl was excited about doing Politics at Cambridge then going into the civil service. She obviously hadn't read the front page of the Standard she was holding, explaining how the Government has put a complete freeze on recruitment into the Civil Service and is in fact cutting jobs. Bad news for the graduates who saw that as one of the few essential areas of industry where there would always be employment opportunities.


The other joyous news this week is that there is a possibility that universities will be able to charge unlimited fees and there will be fewer places this year. Perhaps my my fellow train travellers should reconsider the possibility of that summer job.


Rant Over.
GL

The Magic and Wonderment of Angelique Houtkamp

'Emilienne' by Angelique Houtkamp

As most of you will know, I am a bit of a tattoo fiend - but not just any old ink. Girly, feminine tattoos and retro, sailor types are right up my street, because they tend to look more authentic and don't date as quickly as more 'fashionable' ones (case in point: lovely Celtic crosses and tribal bands. Cringe!)

A few years ago the lovely Claudia, designer at Collectif, introduced me to the wonderful work of Angelique Houtkamp, who is possibly one of the greatest living tattoo artists. Her designs are an incredible fusion of retro pin up imagery and contemporary, feminine colours. Angelique has forged a hugely successful career by developing her own style of tattoos, taking inspiration from 'mythological dreams, antropomorphed critters, nautical iconography and haunting Hollywood romance'. As well as the macabre, often the designs have a humorous twist, in keeping with the pin up style.

(The beautiful Mademoiselle herself)

Working exclusively out of her studio in Holland, Angelique only rarely tattoos now, and with extremely limited availability! She creates a brand new design for each client. Mostly she produces incredible paintings in the same style as her tattoo imagery, which are exhibited all over the world (including at MOMA and the British Museum)

'Better Times' by Angelique Houtkamp (a personal favourite of mine!)

If don't want to permanently adorn your body with one of Angeliques amazing artworks, you can purchase a prints of her paintings from her website or adorn your coffee table with 'Tattoo Mystique' and 'Tattoo Darling', two books featuring lovely images of her work (from TurnAround or Last Gasp )

If I had a spare 300 euros I would happily get myself 'Angelique-ed' but in the meantime I will have to content myself with looking at these lovely images.

Enjoy!

GL

(All pictures copyright Angelique Houtkamp)

Crumbs!

This is somewhat amazing - the Fashion Ed At Large has given me her seal of approval and only introduced me on her blog! Awesomeness. Have a read here

Exciting! (Although totally do not see the Peaches Geldof thing, myself...whyyyyy can't I resemble someone credible??!!)

Happy Reading!

GL

The Most Incredible Sunglasses

Tom Ford 'Nikita'. 1950's. White. Cats Eye.

Perfection!

Now I just need the turquoise Cadillac, vintage frock, and well dressed handsome man by my side, and my life would be complete.

GL

Buy Tom Ford Eyewear from optical specialists nationwide and online here and here.
Stockist info: 01635 277299

Public Service Announcement - Tanintolerance.

88℉. This is nice, more of this weather please. I am starting to remember what summer actually feels like! Short skirts, foxy retro sunglasses and flowers in my hair...finally I can dress for fun, not just to stop myself freezing to death.

(I would probably recommend wearing more clothes than this, even if it is really hot)

Over the course of the weekend I was dressed like a very spangly Glitterbird in a 1960s sequinned top and leggings, a Hula lady in polka dot bikini, Daisy Dukes and my Hawaiian shirt, and a dolly girl in my polka dot playsuit and boater hat. At no point when I was considering my summery outfits did I even think of slapping on some fake tan. I tan like a chestnut the second I step into the sunshine and can't remember the last time I burnt, but much to my peers' dismay, I LIKE being pale. Hence my Factor 30 applications started from March this year.

I have a number of reasons for clinging to my winter white skin - the main one being that in my opinion, white blonde hair like mine + perma tan = chavtastic. I also can't see my red lipstick blending with the orange tones of Fake Bake. It's a personal choice, but one that seems to leave me in the minority, as I discovered this weekend.

At the first sign of sunshine, women all around me reached for their spray tans, tanning wipes, gradual tanners - anything, it seems, that would give them a strange, orangey/brown glow. I'm sure that at some point in the last decade women were brainwashed by magazine articles and celebrity pictures into believing that the application of fake tan instantly makes a person look more beautiful/thinner/affluent. This may be the case of a real tan, however even when it is natural I can't help thinking people look lightly grilled, with that greasy sun tan oil sheen.

Ultimately I cannot understand the hassle that girls go through to achieve their 'golden' glow. All this faffing around in advance of a special occasion, or last minute applications that just look...weird. And spray tans??! Beauty treatments are all well and good but there is no way I am donning paper knickers to stand semi nekked in front of a stranger, while they spray toxic chemicals all over me to turn my skin a strange shade of peach.

All I know is this; real tans give you cancer, and fake tans have a large propensity to look really, really bad. My case in point:


You may laugh, but having spoken to a real-life Essex girl on Saturday (who thankfully wasn't perma tanned) there are ACTUALLY PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THIS.

Yikes.

Don't even get me started on the smell. Can no-one else sense that skunk-wee aroma that emanates from those who favour the fakeness? Not everyone can afford the odourless St Tropez stuff, so the rest of us normos have to endure a smell that can only be described as acrid.

Please, ladies, embrace the paleness this season. Nothing bad will happen, I promise.

GL

(Images: Gil Elvgen, and unknown tan addict)

Love

It is Saturday night, I am recovering from an extremely silly birthday party last night and have already cried twice today (not including any alcohol-induced emotional wonderings)

On that note, I thought I would share three things that simultaneously cause me extreme joy, painful sadness and generally make the world a better place.

1. Florence and the Machine


This woman brings me to tears every time I see her play. An hour ago I listened to the live broadcast of her set from Radio 1's Big Weekend and it reminded me just how much I love her. My first Florence experience happened by chance - having gone to the NME Radar tour to see Friendly Fires, my mind was blown when this explosion of talent appeared on the stage, opened her mouth and filled Brixton Academy with the most exquisite music I have ever heard. She inspires me like nothing else. Her music is otherworldly, heartfelt and beautiful, not to mention her ethereal stage outfits. When Florence sings, I am proud to be part of my generation. She is already an icon, her talent knows no bounds and I have no doubt that she will be inspiring us for years to come.

2. Ashes To Ashes


Yes, I know it's a TV show. But I watched the final ever episode tonight and cried my flipping eyes out. The characters on the show, especially Gene Hunt and Alex Drake, really do feel like an extension of my group of friends . Watching it, I realised I was witnessing a little part of cultural history being made; there is something quintessentially British about an excellent police drama, and they don't get any better than Ashes to Ashes. America has sexy, glamorous TV 'shows', but we have depressing, grey looking 'programmes' which for what they lack in gorgeousness, they make up for with side-splitting humour. An episode of Gene Hunt goodness never fails to brighten my day.

3. Dancing with my best friend

Forget co-ordination or any pretence at dignity. Dancing like a loon with Lucy is a simple pleasure, but one that can never be beaten :-)

GL

(Images courtesy of Rex features, BBC, Glitterbird)

Foxy Lady

I first became aware of hip LA brand Wildfox when I spied this t-shirt on ASOS.com before Christmas. In my humble opinion, the combination of simplicity and a vampire-related slogan make it as close to perfect as a t-shirt is gonna get.

I would have dearly loved to have bequeathed some Wildfox wonderment to my best friend for Christmas, however my financial conscience baulked at the idea of a £65 tee. Maybe one day, but definitely not today (or even this decade). Instead I made - yes made, with my own hands - a rather natty sampler with the same boyfriend-vampire theme. That was one of those craft projects that seem like a GENIUS idea when you start, but drive you to literal insanity by the time you have searched 15 shops for the perfect picture frame to display your handiwork in.

-Back to Wildfox. Disregarding scary price tags, there is very little not to love about this brand. Founded by childhood gal pals Kimberley Gordon and Emily Faulstich in 2006, their vintage-inspired knitwear range soon expanded to include t-shirts, denim, dresses, leggings and all other garments suited to showcase the girls' love of fun, relaxed fashion.

Their joie de vivre has not gone unnoticed by the rest of the celeb/fashion pack, either. You name any Hollywood sleb and they will have been papped wearing one a Wildfox t-shirt, I guarantee it. I never thought I'd see the day when Cheryl Cole featured in one of my posts, but the Geordie wonder raised the Wildfox profile dramatically when she chose one of their t-shirts to comment on her romantical situation, back in February.



The mixture of cute, retro graphics, irreverent slogans and loose fit make the tops incredibly easy to wear, and the huge variety in styles means there is a t-shirt for every kind of Wildfox girl. They have capitalised on this for their 'You're A Doll!' Summer 2010 collection, which features a different type of tshirt for every kind of real life Barbie. Their on-line lookbook immediately transported me back to the shelves of Woolworths circa 1992, when the six year old me gazed up at all the Barbie clothes on offer!


Have a look through it at the rather lovely www.wildfoxcouture.com site, which also contains blogs from the design duo and lots of amazing images.

Hopefully I will be able to update my t-shirt collection with a few Wildfox beauties at some point, but considering I change my mind about who I am from one day to the next, I think I would have to get the entire range to cover all moods and whims!

Wildfox is available in the UK from asos.com

GL

(Image courtesy ASOS, Wildfox)

Tapestry Trend Spot

A few years ago I purloined the above bag from my Mum's wardrobe - I like to have the occasional snoop in case there are some forgotten gems lurking in there. She used to use this Jane Shilton number as a swimming kit bag, but I saw it's potential to be the perfect uni carry-all. I also appreciated the granny style tapestry fabric, more commonly seen on small evening bags and purses. My family and friends found my new 'Mary Poppins' carpet bag somewhat hilarious - especially when it sat in the basket of my bike - but I found the embroidered fabric a refreshing change from the pleather Topshop sacks that were the only high street option. As much as I love my old fashioned, hard frame granny bags, sometimes I need to be carrying my lunch as well as my lipstick, if you know what I mean.

I thought it was only me that appreciated this borderline naff fabric, and was mocked to death when I expressed a love for the really cheesy cat tapestry bags usually only found in garden centres. They remind me of my childhood (early 90's), whether it is because my actual Gran had one of those a-maz-ing cushioned lap trays that was covered in this cat print, or because one of my first proper 'handbags' was decked out in this tapestry fabric. I was literally laughed out of the garden centre when I professed a desire for a lovely cat print shopper.

That was the beginning of April, and this weekend I was wandering Portobello market when I stumbled across this tableaux of tapestry...


And this wasn't the only stall. Everywhere I looked, there were cats, dogs, flowers, hamsters, all embroidered over handbags. It's not just the market, either. The trend barometer that is Topshop has already got tapestry bags lurking amongst their accessories;


The shapes remain contemporary - but there is something undeniably retro about that fabric.


You'd think that the tapestry invasion would be confined to bags, but this fabric is on a mission to invade all accessories this summer. A sneaky peek at the Office A/W '10 collection showed me that shoes are not immune to the tapestry treatment either...


So I think it is unavoidable. Sack off your Mulberry and bin off your Birkin - to be truly fashionable this summer, you need to tea-leaf your granny's best carpet bag.
GL

Images: Glitterbird, Topshop.

'You Are My Radar Detector'

Adam Anderson, Hurts

My week has been somewhat fashionfashionfashion non stop so I haven't been able to detail the amazing musical events of last weekend!

This is always the prime time for discovering new 'artistes' before festival season kicks in good and proper - although The Great Escape is already going off in Brighton this weekend. One of the only radio shows I get to listen to properly is (the extremely crush-worthy) Zane Lowe on Radio 1, which is where I first heard many of my favourite bands in the world, ever. If the Zipper says it's good, most of the time he is not wrong - and I am more than happy to be influenced by his excellent taste!

Lately he has been harping on about Darwin Deez, Everything Everything and Hurts, so when I heard all three were on the NME Radar Tour and playing at Portsmouth's Wedgewood Rooms last weekend, I thought it would be a worthwhile form of Sunday evening entertainment.

It had been a pretty naff Sunday (grey, miserable and boring to boot) so when Darwin Deez walked out on stage, it was like somebody switched on the sun. One of the weirdest looking bands around (we had a 10 minute debate over the gender of the guitarist) their super catchy, playful and funny songs brought a smile to our faces and a twitch to our knees. The whole audience was bopping and singing along to this band, which is no mean feat considering how new they are. The veritable cherry on the cake was their between-song dance routines, choreographed to 80's power pop and their rival New Yorker's Vampire Weekend.

Everything Everything are SUPER talented. Unfortunately they sort of know so, and there were a few too many self appreciative, smug looks on stage for my liking. Their music transfixed the audience, leaping around as it was between time signatures and styles. The three person harmonies were particularly lovely, and the up tempo beats made them seem between a cross between Fleet Foxes, Friendly Fires and Foals.

Lastly, the hotly anticipated Hurts came out to a frenzy of excitement. Their single 'Better than Love' and its' accompanying video (an elegant fusion of shadowy silhouettes, en pointe ballerinas and meaningful looks) have been making huge waves on the new music radar - there is something very special about this band. They look absolutely incredible, with slicked hair, vintage suits and beaten up brogues. The singer, Theo Hutchcraft (awesome name!) even whipped out a comb to wind between his fingers at one point. His shuffling, intense movements were very Ian Curtis-esque and a completely still opera singer on backing vocals added to the spooky atmosphere.

There are just two official band members, with Adam Anderson playing piano and not once making eye contact with the audience. The songs are powerful, 80s power ballad pop, with more than a touch of Spandau Ballet and the Eurythmics thrown in the mix. I'm not sure what it was, but looking up from the front row I was enraptured by this band and felt chills down my spine - a little like the first time I saw Florence. Watch out for this pair, there is definitely something different about Hurts.

Theo Hutchcraft, Hurts

GL

http://www.myspace.com/darwindeez
http://www.everything-everything.co.uk/
http://www.informationhurts.com/

Images copyright Georgina Langford

Goodbye Bettie Page, Hello Beyonce!

Music videos don't get much better than this. If someone had told me an Rn'B diva had recreated authentic pin up girl glamour, I would not have believed them. Until I saw it with my own eyes, that is. 'Why Don't You Love Me' is Beyonce at her gorgeous, goddess-like best - but with a twist. She is rocking a seriously retro, rockabilly look, with touches of Mad Men repression and an explosion of attitude in this amazingly authentic music video.

We first saw Beyonce's potential to carry off vintage fashion and make up looks in the movie Dreamgirls, where she played the 60's vixen that is Diana Ross. Her supporting role in Telephone, the ubiquitous Lady Gaga music video epic - so ubiquitous, in fact, that I don't know why I just gave it an explanation - demonstrated her ability to cheesecake, wiggle and pose with the best of burlesque belles, but it is not until now that she has showed her true pin up capability.

The shaky, off colour, crackly cinematography immediately recalls Bettie Page's Teaserama burlesque dancing spectaculars (even if the dancing was virtually non existent, Bettie's infectious charm has kept audiences captivated for 60 years!) Beyonce's movements, gestures and poses have 1950's stripper starlet written all over them, and I respect her for that - she must have studied the old films carefully to achieve such a genuine effect.

The clothes (or lack of them) are typically Beyonce sexy, but they are all steeped in pin up heritage, even if she mixes her 50's and 60's a little too much for my liking. It is a cartoon-ised, exaggerated version of pin up fashion, but she pulls it off with aplomb. There were a pair of Tom Ford white cats eye sunglasses in one shot that looked particularly perfect. The dancing, the sets, the fashion, it all could have gone horribly wrong. But Beyonce has the presence and determination to achieve anything she sets out to do, even if it is a brave move away from her usual style.

Normally I am horrified at anyone ripping off the legend that is Bettie Page - there are a whole lot of questionable imitators working as burlesque models - but in this case, I am glad a modern diva had the confidence, vision and resources to produce a true homage to the ultimate pin up. She has alerted her legions of fans to a version of sweet sexuality and femininity that was popular a long time ago, but which still has a profound effect on many alternative girls worldwide.

If you would like to see a little of the magic that has kept Bettie page relevant for so long, watch the video below. It's a little bit like a game of Spot the Difference! Prepare to be entranced...

GL

What Is Wrong With The World Today...

Commuting is a strange activity at the best of times, but my train travels over the past few days have seriously taken the biscuit for surreal experiences.

Foreigners often think of the Tube as a romantic underground meeting place - I blame Sliding Doors - but anyone that has ever been to London knows the reality is as far from 'romantic' as physically possible! Just last night, for example, I had positioned myself near the door of any already full carriage, desperately trying to keep my face from melting (I seem to be the only person who notices Tube trains are UNBEARABLY hot and immediately sheds all unnecessary layers of clothing on entry, much to my fellow coat-wearing commuter's confusion.)

Anyway, so while I am quietly sweating away in the corner, the doors open and a veritable flashmob pile in, desperate travellers cramming themselves in to a Tube that clearly has no available space. Whilst giving them all the Glitterbird look of death, I fail to notice a fat, smelly, slimy Italian guy with horrrrrrendous BO squeeze in in front of me, so that he is now completely pressed up against me. I was closer to him than I have been with...well anybody recently! He seemed quite impressed with this feat of personal space invasion - he took 'personal boundaries' to a whole new level - and had a smug smirk on his face, that I would have loved to have wiped right off, if only I had been able to get my hand free to do so, squished as it was by my side. And then, to top it all of, he commits the ultimate rush hour tube crime. Carefully, he extracted his chunky, hairy arm and reached up for the rail - leaving his sweat stained armpit approximately two inches from my face.


******sorry I just need a minute to get over the TRAUMA******

I mean SERIOUSLY. We were crammed in like over friendly sardines, you couldn't have fallen over in that carriage if you had wanted to. I was unable to convey the level of my Fury via my eyes so I did that very British thing of...nothing. I wanted to scream at him, trust me, but he didn't speak English, so it would have been a wasted rant. Maybe I will get on Babelfish and translate this to Italian, just on the off chance he uses the Internet, but he is probably too busy only just discovering fire.

After that disastrous commute, I wasn't relishing the thought of this morning's journey, but thankfully the tedium was relieved by an edition of the Metro newspaper. Their news stories today made me wonder if I had woken up on the right planet - a small selection of headlines below, to illustrate:

-Girl, 8 , raped by boys, 10
-Tortoises' 54 great escapes in 30 years
-'Sex with a Squid' charge
-'Play with your very own Hobo'
- Mother, 62, gives birth to twins
-Four killed as home is engulfed by sinkhole
-Knifeman kills seven under-fives at nursery
-A chapel in a flat pack

Some of those stories are horrific and disgusting, others are just plain ridiculous. Every time I turned the page my eyes nearly fell out of my head, and my only hope is that someone was bored at the paper and they had some spaces to fill with made up stories. Otherwise whoever is in charge Upstairs has to have a massive rethink of Planet Earth - and fast.

One final note; the sexy 'squid' (which was dead at the time of the...intercourse, in case you were wondering) may have actually been an octopus, but they didn't have a marine biologist to hand when they arrested the guy. Octopus, squid, crustacean, it obviously doesn't matter to some people. Funnily enough, the man in question was Welsh, and make of that what you will - I'm not saying anything.



Baaaaaa.


GL

Confessions of A Fashion Clutz

Before anyone starts accusing me of being a know-all, I will be the first to admit I am a walking fashion disaster. Whether it is my clumsiness, love of kitsch or general cartoonish appearance, whenever I am with a Fashion Ed I often feel like the bottom of an Oxfam reject bin.

In honour of my generally ridiculous life, I thought I would share with you my top three cringeworthy moments of fashion interning.

1. Having to explain to a PR company that the reason why a pair of knickers hadn't been returned after a shoot was because I wasn't going to ask the supermodel who had gone home wearing them to give them back.

2. 'That Endame Bean Moment' Ohhh man, just thinking about this makes me feel ill. A lovely Fashion Ed took me to Wholefoods for a yummy sushi lunch, back in the day when I was still a relative raw fish novice (I now make my own, check me out! :-). Having successfully navigated the menu, - ordered some standard California rolls, but my editor also got a side of endame beans. I love all those green bean/mange tout/sugar snap types, but had never eaten one of those before. I popped one (whole) straight into my gob, only to discover to my horror the damn thing has an inedible, indestructible pod. I chewed for England, but it was made of tougher stuff and I could not break it down (meanwhile trying to make conversation with my new boss). I watched her neatly line up the pods that she had correctly popped the peas out of and realised there was no way I could spit this bad boy out in front of her, so I swallowed it, and cripes did it hurt. The stringy shell scraped my throat and got stuck halfway down my gullet, leaving me feeling like a sea gull that had eaten a plastic fork for the rest of the day.

3. Yesterday I had a particularly special moment. I was pleased with my aforementioned outfit, and was feeling confident chatting away to my current Fashion Ed. Talking animatedly and gesticulating with my normal vigour, I suddenly noticed that my sleeve had developed an unfortunate appendage... God knows how, but a strap from my delectable M&S multiway bra had completely detached itself, slithered down my sleeve and was now flapping in the breeze by me wrist. Niiiiice. Having boobs in the fashion industry is hard enough, without your bra conspiring against you as well.

Who knows what delights today has in store...


GL

Day 2

This weeks' blogs are going to lean towards the personal, rather than topical, er, topics because I am so tired when I get home it feels like my eyes are going to fall out of my head.

Day 2 shadowing a fashion editor was somewhat surreal and we had an exhausting day doing something completely unique, exciting, and unfortunately for you, totally top secret! Sorry readers but it is more than my life is worth to dish the dirt - I'd be
impaled with a Louboutin and outlawed from the industry if I told.

Suffice to say, I had an extremely early start and froze to death wandering around all day (I had not pre-empted the amount of outside work we would be doing so was wearing a gorgeous silky 80s dress and a teeny tiny leather jacket. I thought I looked quite 'alex drake' but the blue lips and chilblains kinda killed off any fashion kudos.

*sorry minor diversion needed, who else is stupidly obsessed with Ashes to Ashes?
I am going to be bereft when the show ends for good - the characters now feel like part of my group of friends and it doesn't help that my Dad is the living embodiment
of Gene Hunt (sans crocodile shoes.)*

Back to my fashion failure yesterday, if there is one thing I have learnt being an intern over the past few years, it is TAKE LAYERS, don't try and wear heels and don't bother with a coat on the Tube.

What is wrong with the people who I have seen (this week!!) still wrapped up in wool
coats, scarves and even gloves? I know it's a bit chillsome, but it is May for flips’ sake. Don't they know that coats are illegal after April, according to British common law? Everyone should be in sandals and short sleeves by now - even if it is 5 degrees, we have to at least pretend we have a 'summer'.

GL

I Like Green Eyeshadow...

...even if it does make me look like a drag queen. I don't like to compromise, even if it means I am not 'bang on trend' ⓒ Timmy Trendy, 2010

Forgive radio silence - I have many tales to tell and comments to make, but am currently exhausted from my first day assisting Melanie at Grazia. The four hour commute has somewhat killed me, which is a shame because it was otherwise a fun day. Intriguing to see what goes on behind the scenes at everyone's favourite weekly mag...I cannot dish dirt for obvious reasons!

It was great to be back in a magazine environment, and doing something productive for a change. A year of estate agency secretarial work has killed off a few brain cells, that is for sure! I am very much enjoying adding my little contribution to a national publication - and the beauty sale wasn't bad either ;-)

Anyway, the church clock is chiming 11, which reminds me that a) I live in the country right next to a church and b) I need to get some zeds because I'll be catching the 6.37am train tomorrow (ouch) in order to be on time for what looks set to be an out-of-the-ordinary day! Again, I am sworn to secrecy but it will be something a little bit special...

PS Whilst looking through some stories for today, I picked up on the Polly Vernon piece explaining the 'joys' of Jack Wills to Observer readers this weekend. KILL ME NOW. I don't care if their profits have doubled last year - that simply means that even more wannabe poshos have been duped into paying £60+ for a pair of bog-standard trackie bottoms with JW sewn on the bum. It's not big, and it's not clever, expecially not on respectable GuardianMedia journalists. I cannot abide the overpriced twaddle on blonde-highlighted, swooshy-haired, Ugg-wearing young girls, let alone fully grown women!

I will concede that the sister company Aubin and Wills has a touch of English tweedy greatness, but the normal Jack Wills brand had its moment 5 years ago and should have slunk off quietly back to boarding school by now. Jack Wills isn't just a fashion brand, it is a lifestyle choice - and a bad one. Perhaps other fashion journos haven't noticed the rise of the 2010 Sloane Rangers. From their emergence in Devon and green pastures across the land, they are now all over London and Surrey, and it is as though 'Thriller' has been remade with stripey scarves and polo shirts and set on the Kings Road. YIKES!

PPS I was going to make the Jack Wills story a whole post, but my disdain for the clothes renders me inable to make cyberspace for them.

GL

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Letter to The President

Dear Mr Obama,

When I woke up this morning, I read the newspapers and realised that the country I call 'home' is in a bit of a pickle. To put it mildly, I am scared for the future of the U.K.

During the last few weeks, there has been a frisson of excitement surrounding our General Election; not quite the all singing, all dancing razzmatazz of November 2008 in the U.S.A, but considerably more dramatic than the last time around. As an 18 year old first time voter in the 2005 General Election, I don't remember even talking to my friends about our politics, which contrasts sharply with the barrage of media coverage and public debate that has ensued this time around. Frantic tweets and social networking campaigns from the competing parties, influential figures and journalists has brought the election firmly to the forefront of everyone's minds - and you would think (hope?) that would have made a difference to the results.

Sadly not, and now we are faced with the prospect of a hung parliament, which basically means that nothing will be achieved by a weak government with insufficient support to make anything happen. It also makes us look seriously pathetic as a country, if we can't make up our minds about who should run the joint. Cue financial chaos, political uncertainty, general anarchy and many more years of problematic economy.

It is my personal belief that we are a nation quick to moan but scarily too lazy to do anything about it - although voting turnout was up, at least one third of eligible voters didn't bother showing up. When did we become so indolent? I know that some voters were turned away or slowed down by an inept polling system, however I am sure some of those who arrived at 9pm could have made it to the polls earlier in the 14 hours voting was open, and the few hundred who missed out still do not account for the masses who stayed at home.

The 'tactical voting' process that was promoted last week probably only confused masses of people who struggle to decide between three uninspiring parties as it is, let alone other valid alternatives like the Greens who get overlooked, every time. When people had made up their minds, they were then told to perhaps vote for someone else, because there was not a hope in hell of their chosen MPs being elected (Lib Dems, we salute you for your tenacity and strong, determined campaign.)

I also know for a fact that people blindly voted Conservative not realising that there were other options. The primary problem, dear Prez, lies not only in the party policies but in the leaders themselves. This is where my thoughts turned to your good self. I refuse to even comment on the two-faced shambles that is Gordon Brown, and the other front runners, Cameron and Clegg, leave a hell of a lot to be desired. Both made valiant, if somewhat forced, attempts at inspiring the nation, but neither have the strength of character or wisdom to be a truly groundbreaking PM.

Is there any chance you could pop over and have a little word in their shell-likes? I am not saying that you have got it AOK in the USA, but you seem to be able to rouse a nation into action - and I think you could teach our next PM (who at 11.15 am today we still have no clue who that is going to be) a hell of a lot. We need a touch of that JFK charm that seems to have rubbed off on you, a little dynamism and a huge chunk of faith. I doubt anyone in the UK truly believes, heart and soul, in any of our potential leaders.

I know you are a little bit busy, but if you could fit us in, that would be swell. Keep up the good work and hopefully I'll see you in a few years time - I love my homeland, but it is hard to be patriotic when people seem determined to destroy all that is good.

Kindest regards, A very uncertain Glitterbird.

GL

PS: This is my blog and my own personal opinion - if I can't say it here, I can't say it anywhere. Only constructive comments will be allowed, and ONLY then if you voted.

TopshopMakeupTopshopMakeupTopshopMakeup

Today Topshop continued their quest for world domination by launching their own range of 'fashion forward' makeup into the eager arms of young women everywhere.

There have been noises coming out of the Topshop camp for a while now about how makeup would never be the same again after this launch, but while that may not quite be the case, it is still something to get excited about.
Available in flagship stores and online, this is not your average high street make up brand. Designer Lizzie Dawson explains that it has been created 'purely and entirely for the Topshop girl' and aligns itself with the constant trend renewal seen in the clothing ranges. Along with a core collection of everyday products liek skin tints and bronzers, there are also seasonal 'Trend collections', updated every three months with new products and colours that reflect all that is new and fun in fashion at that time.

Just from looking at the products, the first thing that jumps out is their use of white packaging, which is a little bit different! The scrappy, sketchy font and graphics also seem to tie in with the experimental, creative feel to the products - having been inspired by crazy festival makeup, the Topshop message seems to be very playful and exuberant, trying new colours and basically getting some fashion on your face!

Priced similarly to the Bourjois and GOSH ranges, but with colours more suited to a M.A.C gal, they are really making fun, artistic makeup available to all. I probably won't be giving up my ever reliable M.A.C. foundation any time soon, but I will be zooming straight over to the Topshop counter to get my fill of fashion colours - the nail colours are particularly delectable. I've got my eye on 'Nails in Art School' a gorgeous coral, or maybe 'Kiss and Tell' (pale pink) or 'Gone Fishing' (jade) argh - I am just going to have to get them all!




So it seems Topshop have done it again. Every teenage girl (and not so teenaged women) will be flocking to their stores for the very best in highstreet summer fashion, with the accessories and now the makeup to complete their festival look. Or even if you are not going to a festival, the pink Glitter pot still looks seriously fun! It's only makeup, but we like it - lipsticks and nail varnish are the grown-up version of face paint and pic n' mix, after all.

Topshop 'Home', Topshop 'Food' and even a Topshop music festival...you know it's only a matter of time. Sir Philip Green for Prime Minister, perhaps?

www.topshop.com


GL

The Glitterati

The 2010 Costume Institute Gala took place on May 3rd, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC. Hosted by Anna Wintour, Oprah Winfrey and Patrick Robinson of the Gap, this year's theme was 'American Women: Fashioning a National Identity', which will also be the focus of an exhibition which will run until August.

The Met Gala is a major highlight on the fashion calendar, because it is a chance for designers to show off their couture skills in one-off designs for the creme de la creme of Hollywood and the darlings of the industry. It is basically the world's most exciting red carpet, with none of the Oscars pretence that anyone is interested in what movie won what award - this party is all about the frocks. Hardly surprising, considering this event is the brainchild of Ms Wintour, who invites only the most fashion forward of the international A-list.

Every year I am champing at the bit to see the images of everyone's outfits, because in the past there have been some seriously questionable choices. Usually the epitome of elegance, even Anna herself sported what can only be described as 'tumble drier couture' in 2008, when she rocked up in a bizarre space age dress with huge snail-shell shoulders. Admittedly though, she did pre-empt the big-shouldered trend of last winter, but at the time I couldn't help thinking she looked like a chic crustacean.


There were also some innnteresting outfits at last years Superhero theme party...I seem to recall Agyness Deyn channelling the Queen which was somewhat bizarre.

Anyway, this year it seems the starlets and fashionistas pulled out all the stops, and there were some truly inspiring gowns. My favourites were as follows;
1. Miss Katy 'So Kitsch It Hurts' Perry, in her CuteCircuit LED light up dress! Incredible. I don't know what Wintour would have thought of the wacky gown, but it was very, very cute and irreverent, which is nice to see at these stuffy formal occasions. You can rely on Katy to bring the kerazy.

2. Gwen 'Nobody Does It Better' Stefani in L.A.M.B. who in my humble opinion, never gets it wrong! This woman sent me into fashion ecstasies when she leaped around the Top of The Pops stage during her 'Harajuku Girl' stage and she has gone on to inspire many other retro/alternative outfits. What I admire most is her unfailing dedication to her own sense of style, including red lipstick with everything a super stylish family to accessorize with.
3. Anne 'Disney Princess Forever' Hathway, having her very own Cinderella moment in a heartbreakingly beautiful Valentino gown. If you are going to do big and sparkly, then it doesn't get much better than this.4. SJP, stepping out in a Halston gown, which is appropriate considering she is now the face of their brand. The corsage was very Carrie (I'm sure she may have even worn it in the TV series) but that just added to my already stupid SATC 2 excitement. I know it's ridiculous, but it's escapism, non? The gown would not have looked out of place on Bianca Jagger dancing the night away in Studio 54, and I liked that SJP was brave enough to wear something slightly different and less structured than some of the other corseted numbers.

As you may have guessed from my choices, I am drawn to all that is pale and sparkly. The neutral tones balance out the glitz, and are reminiscent of the delicate shell tones of 1930s evening wear, as seen on the starlets of the day. Those styles will look enchanting and alluring forever, because there is not an 'it' colour or pattern to date them, plus the quality of the fabrics used and exceptional cuts make the dresses far more glamourous than anything available today. It seems that was what many of our contemporary fashion icons were hoping to emulate in their Met Ball choices.

There were fewer duds this year, with one notable exception. I hate to say this, but Kristen Stewart should not be allowed at red carpet events - the poor girl looks awkward, uncomfortable and unattractive, no matter how much money is thrown at her outfit for the evening. I know she is still young so I don't want to criticise her unnecessarily, but when you have talent like Carey Mulligan making brave, stylish choices for formal occasions, K-Stew just doesn't cut it in comparison. The Chanel gown she wore may have looked good on a model figure, but she carried it like it was a bin bag and looked like she was hating every second of being there. In the words of Ja'mie from Summer Heights High, 'no offence, but' - K-Stew should stick to what she does best, which is wearing Converse, biting her lip and making girls everywhere insanely jealous of her acting partners!

Hopefully one day I will be in attendance, so I hate to think what fashion bitches everywhere will have to say about my red carpet choices! In the mean time, I will watch and learn from the greatest...

GL

(Images borrowed from the Daily Mail. If you would like to read their coverage of the event please go here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1271640/Met-Costume-Institute-Gala-Katy-Perry.html )